Crimes Against The Crown
by Sinnamon Spider
Summary: As Jack waits to be hanged, he pauses to reflect on each of the charges in his extensive list of crimes. Drabbles/one-shots, no pairing.
1. Prologue: A Wonderful Life of Crime

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and dialogue belong to Disney.

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A/N: I was watching CotBP for the umpteenth time, and suddenly it struck me: wouldn't it be fun to write a collection of drabbles and one-shots based on Jack's rather extensive résumé? Well, we're about to find out. Enjoy!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Prologue: A Wonderful Life of Crime**

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"Jack Sparrow, be it known that you have been charged, tried, and convicted for your wilful commission of crimes against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature, the most egregious of these to be cited herewith: piracy, smuggling…" The long-winded official continued to read off his scroll, which was rather longer than he was accustomed.

Jack, still smarting from the exclusion of his title, listened absently to the list of crimes he had committed.

"…impersonating an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England, sailing under false colors, arson, kidnapping, looting, poaching, brigandage, pilfering, depravity, depredation, and general lawlessness."

They had missed a few significant ones, but he supposed they couldn't catch _everything_, and 'general lawlessness' served as a blanket term for anything they had left out.

"And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul." The clerk rolled up his scroll and nodded to the hangman. As the hooded man moved toward the lever that would drop the boards out from beneath him, Jack had scant seconds to recall the incidents that had comprised his life…


	2. Piracy

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: So, here we go. This was a hard chapter to start with, because 'piracy' is such a broad term, but I went with a dictionary-literal term. Enjoy!

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**Crimes Against the Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Piracy**

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The cannons roared, wood and metal flew in every direction, the crew shouted their war cries, and Jack Sparrow was caught in the midst of the carnage, his face a picture of fierce delight. He had been pirating for more than three years, but nothing brought this rush of adrenalin and heady satisfaction like the successful capture of a well-laden ship.

His first mate, a grizzled, vicious man named Hector Barbossa, roared commands at the crew, but they were experienced and adept in the art of seizing a ship, and they needed little direction. Like a well-oiled machine, they worked together and soon the sweaty, bloody crew of the other ship knelt on the deck as they were swiftly tied together.

Barbossa made an elaborate motion for Jack to come aboard the merchant ship, and as he stepped onto his latest catch, Jack felt the sweet thrill of the hunt and the fight drain from his body.

His consolation came not two hours later, when a lone ship was spotted on the horizon, and the Black Pearl began to do what she did best, with her loving master at the helm.


	3. Smuggling

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: I've returned, along with a new chapter, this time on smuggling. Thanks to all who reviewed the previous chapters. Enjoy!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Smuggling**

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As far as acts of piracy and other illicit activities went, smuggling had never been high on Jack's List of Exciting Things. He had, of course, smuggled the odd cargo in a pinch, and after discovering the slaves in the hold of the Wicked Wench, years ago, he had quite promptly smuggled the Negroes upriver where there lived a voodoo woman he was acquainted with, and he delivered the slaves into her care. But there were far more lucrative and interesting ways for a pirate to turn a profit, and Jack had turned down offers to smuggle various goods on more than one occasion.

But Jack's disdain for smuggling was soon turned into respect, once the rumrunners returned to their island cache.

He had, as he later told Elizabeth, spent those three days on the beach, sneaking a few bottles from the underground hoard of quite fine rum. But it had not been quite the vacation he had lightly glossed over when the irate girl was grilling him about his escape. He had been drinking not to forget his current situation, but to end it.

Jack Sparrow was going to drink himself to death.

He decided it was a far better death than slow starvation or an ignoble bullet to the brain. What better way for the most notorious pirate in the Spanish Main to perish? What could be more fitting than death by the sweetest nectar in the world? Yes, Jack Sparrow would go out with a silly smile on his face and an empty bottle in his hand.

After drinking four bottles of the heady rum, he had spent the next two hours being violently sick, and in the aftermath, he realized that drinking oneself to death was not as easy as it seemed. Then he saw a ship in the distance.

The rumrunners were not pleased to see that their cache had been broken into, but they were pacified by the contents of the purse that Barbossa had not managed to liberate Jack of, and soon he was sailing away from the accursed island.

He spent three months with the rumrunners, and his previous notions of the ease – and therefore dullness – of smuggling were challenged. The men on the ship had the action honed to an art; the loading of the cargo, the careful forgery of essential documents, the impassive faces as the holds were searched for contraband. Jack learned tactics and little tips he had never even dreamed of, and his agile mind was already at work devising ways to apply them to other illegal activities.

He never refused an offer to smuggle again. He was quite aware that were it not for smugglers, he would be nothing but bones on the sand of an unnamed island somewhere in the ocean…

…preferably with an empty bottle clutched in a skeleton grip.


	4. Officer in the Spanish Royal Navy

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: There's a further author's note at the end explaining this little deviation. Much thanks to my reviewers, as always! Enjoy!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Impersonating an Officer in the Spanish Royal Navy**

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Jack always considered himself to be of above-average intelligence. He had an adept mind that was quick to adapt to new situations, and he could more often than not talk himself out of trouble with twisted reasoning and irrefutable logic.

But he had definitely not used any of that intelligence this time.

The heavy cloth of the uniform chafed uncomfortably in the sweltering heat. The high, stiff boots were also supremely uncomfortable, even standing still as he was, and he couldn't imagine actually walking any length in them. He was accustomed to loose-fitting, comfortable clothing, but the heat under his collar could not be attributed to the temperature alone.

How in the seven seas had he gotten himself in this one again?

His self-chastising was halted abruptly as a young man stepped in front of him, saluted smartly, and issued a stream of comments in a clipped voice. Jack winced inwardly, trying to puzzle out the man's meaning through inflection and tone of voice. He sent a quick prayer heavenward before nodding sharply at the young man.

He seemed to have correctly read the gist of the words, because the man saluted again and disappeared. He passed a thankful hand over his brow, then surreptitiously checked again to see that his sleeve was sufficiently long enough to cover his pirate brand.

What a bloody fool he was.

Jack had a talent for languages. He was fluent in Greek, Hindi, several dialects of Italian, Mandarin, Punjabi, Cantonese, and could carry a fairly competent conversation in French and Swahili. He had often heard it said that the mark of an intelligent man was his ease at learning other languages.

So then, what kind of a man did it make him if he infiltrated the Navy of one of the only countries of which he did not speak the language?

Another officer approached and spouted a rambling diatribe in Spanish, and Jack sighed heavily.

"Si?"

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A/N: So you'll have to work with me a little bit on this one. I know it's highly unlikely that Jack wouldn't at least have a basic working knowledge of Spanish, but I just had a mental picture of him in full Naval uniform, looking distinguished and very handsome, and then not being able to understand a thing. Just call it suspension of disbelief.

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	5. Cleric of the Church of England

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: Father Jack Sparrow offers some education to a young Elizabeth Swann. Thanks to all who have reviewed!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Impersonating a Cleric of the Church of England**

Jack stepped into the chapel, approaching the altar. He began to light the candles, but he sensed someone behind him and whirled, nearly tripping over his long robes – he still hadn't become accustomed to the troublesome things.

A tiny blonde girl of about five was standing behind him. She dropped him a dainty curtsey. "Father," she said in a piping voice, delicate and sweet.

He recovered his wits and bowed his head. "Greetings, my child," he said solemnly, laying a hand on her silky head. He squinted around, but the chapel was otherwise empty. Unaccompanied children were not usually to be seen. "Where are your parents?"

"Speaking with the bishop, Father," she replied. Despite her childish voice, she spoke clearly, with an educated tone and a thoroughly well-bred air.

"I see." He waited a few seconds longer, but she did not say anything. He turned back to the candles, and heard her light footsteps as she walked around the chapel, exploring quietly. He craned his head around to watch her, and didn't notice that the taper was burning too low until the hot wax dripped onto his fingers.

"Bugger!" He fumbled with the taper, but it slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor. He thrust his burnt fingers into his mouth.

The same light footsteps drew closer and the girl stopped in front of him. She tilted her blonde head at him, narrowing her large hazel eyes. "You don't seem much like a priest, Father," she said critically. He held her gaze, which was unnervingly steady. Then she bent and picked up the taper, extending it to him. He reached out to take it with his uninjured hand, his tanned fingers brushing her pale ones.

"Elizabeth!" A richly-dressed woman appeared in the doorway, presumably the girl's mother. She hurried toward the odd pair standing before the altar. "I'm dreadfully sorry, Father. I do hope she wasn't impeding you in your duties." She smiled at him.

He noted her beauty with a practiced eye, avoiding leering openly at her. She had passed on her delicate features and honey blonde hair to her daughter, who was still watching him with suspicion and fascination. He shook his head. "Not at all," he replied, inwardly grinning when the woman's eyes widened at the velvet sound of his voice. "It is very pleasing to see a child so interested in the workings of the Church."

Cecily Swann's hand went automatically to her hair, smoothing an errant strand as she blushed. "Yes, my Elizabeth is very inquisitive. She gets it from myself." She felt herself flush as the priest spoke. "Clearly she also inherited her charm and beauty from you." His dark eyes pierced hers.

"Cecily?" Weatherby's voice echoed from the doorway. Cecily started at her husband's call, turning away from the priest who smiled benevolently. The heat of her blush was still flaming on her cheeks. "Coming, dear," she said quickly. She curtseyed to the priest, reaching for her daughter's hand and nearly dragging her down the aisle. She shook her head slightly. Had she been flirting with a _clergyman_?

Pulled along in her mother's haste, little Elizabeth's shoe caught on a raised tile and she tripped. "Bugger!" she exclaimed. Cecily gasped and Weatherby frowned. "Elizabeth, language."

"Wherever did you hear such a vile word, Elizabeth?" Cecily demanded.

Elizabeth twisted around to look at the foul-mouthed priest, but he was gone.

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	6. Sailing Under False Colours

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: This installment is dedicated to the incredible **Nytd**, whose wonderful story "Memories of May" I have finally started reading (and enjoying immensely!). Her little discussion of Jolly Rogers in chapter 11 gave me the push I needed to finally crank something out for this crime. This event takes place a few weeks before the mutiny; the Pearl won't have her malevolent history yet, but she'll be infamous for being Jack's ship. Many thanks for all who reviewed last chapter. Enjoy!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Sailing Under False Colours**

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Captain Josiah Ames gaped as the inky black Jolly Roger, with its scarlet sparrow and bandanna-sporting skull, snapped taut in the stiff breeze from the mast of the other ship.

"Ah, right on time," his companion said easily, and the merchant captain of the _Foresight_, lost in his shock and dismay, missed the gesture the other man made with a negligent-appearing hand.

"But…what?" Josiah gasped weakly. He had seen the Union Jack flying on the mast of the ship, had seen her snowy sails that had somehow changed to black as pitch, had seen her perfect and complete ship's log and all required legal documents.

He turned a desperate look on his business partner and his already wide eyes widened further.

In the moment his back had been turned, Spencer had shed his stiff black coat and white wig and was now adjusting a faded red bandanna over a mass of dark brown dreadlocks. "Terribly sorry to mislead you, Josiah," Spencer said, his London accent melted into something intangible, some way of speaking that was indistinctive of a particular point of origin.

"Spencer," Josiah said plaintively, extending a helpless hand toward the man he was now suspecting had never been William Spencer, sugar trader and owner of the _Sweet Lady._

Something akin to regret flashed across the other man's face. "It's Sparrow, actually," he corrected. "Ever heard of the Black Pearl, Josiah?"

Josiah Ames stared across the deck of his doomed ship at Jack Sparrow, captain of the infamous Black Pearl and the scourge of the Caribbean, and cursed himself for not realizing sooner.

The Jolly Roger cracked in the suddenly ominous wind.

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	7. Arson

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: This chapter takes place immediately after the events of the previous chapter. Thanks to all who reviewed!

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Arson**

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The _Foresight_ had been neatly emptied of all her cargo, her chests and barrels and boxes now residing in the hold of the Black Pearl.

Her crew, frightened and bloodied, was locked in the Pearl's brig, soon to be deposited on the deserted side of a populated island, giving them a chance to return to their homes. Their sullen captain, Josiah Ames, was among them, dismayed at being duped by a pirate.

Topside, Jack's crew looked to their own captain for orders. "The ship, sir?" the bo'sun spoke up. "Set 'er ablaze?"

Jack looked at him sharply. "No, Master Skinner. Do we ever burn ships?"

The man shrugged easily. "No, sir. Just thinkin' ye may have changed your mind, is all. Seems foolish to leave her adrift at sea."

"No more foolish than burning her, Master Skinner. Move along."

The bo'sun complied, but grumblingly. Jack Sparrow had gained a reputation for refusing to burn captured ships. He would – and had – burned crops, goods, and even a few forts. But he would never set a ship ablaze.

His crew did not know it was because the sight of a burning ship brought back the painful memories of the Pearl's first life.

_The fire spread quickly, catching the fuel that had been poured over the deck and rails of the Wicked Wench, until the ship was ablaze. The flames were reflected in the eyes of its captain, who watched with tears streaming down his face, unashamed. The ship that was quickly turning into a smoking wreck before him had been his pride and joy, more dear to him than any other possession, and he was weeping for its loss…_

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	8. Kidnapping

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: Poor Jack, his schemes usually end up going awry, don't they?

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**Crimes Against The Crown  
**By Sinnamon Spider

**Kidnapping**

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He was never going to do this again, that was certain.

It had seemed so simple. So brilliant. So foolproof.

"'Capture a ship and hold the passengers for ransom,'" he mimicked his idiotic first mate's words. "'Make a pretty penny and easy as pie'. What a bloody _disaster_!"

His voice rose sharply, but it was drowned out by the incessant chattering of the young blonde female that was currently his prisoner.

"Oh, may I steer the wheel? How exciting! You know, Mumsy was ever so frightened of letting me go to sea and I suppose this is why! Captured by pirates; who would have ever imagined such a thing?"

He gazed pityingly at the bemused crewman she was prattling to, resolving to give the man an extra ration of rum for his troubles.

"I say, where are we going? Might we capture someone else so I might have some company? And I do hope I'm to be held for an appropriately high sum, or else I'll be mortally offended, you know."

Now he knew why her guardians had barely objected when he swept her off the deck of the ship.

"Oh, hello again, Mr Sparrow!" she chirped as he approached, trying to avoid the compulsion to toss her overboard. But her failure to properly address him finally broke the last straw and he hurled himself away from her with uncharacteristic rage sparking in his eyes.

"Hector! DEAL WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE CAPTIVE!"

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	9. Looting

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Disney.

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A/N: This chapter doesn't focus so much on the actual looting, more the activities before said looting. My own little treatment of just how Jack managed to sack Nassau without firing a single shot.

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**Crimes Against The Crown**  
By Sinnamon Spider

**Looting**

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The Magistrate's hands trembled as he extended his heavy keyring to the dark man who held his sixteen-year-old daughter in a firm, but gentle, grip. The pirate's face sharpened with a smirk. "Ah, much obliged, Magistrate," he said softly. "I can assure you that no harm will come to your citizens." He paused to rake his eyes over Abigail's slender form yet again, before releasing her with a flourish. "Or to your lovely lass."

He reached a filthy hand to accept the jingling keyring. The Magistrate was dismayed to see matching handprints on Abigail's snow-white dressing gown. He gestured wildly to the girl, who was still frozen on the spot, huge blue eyes watching the pirate's every move.

"Now then," the pirate continued, examining the keys with a critical, kohl-lined eye. "Which one is which?"

"Armoury…strongroom…my office…harbour office…" the Magistrate identified each key as the pirate held it up. "Excellent," the brigand enthused. "Might it be correct to assume that this one is for the front door?"

The Magistrate nodded silently. "Very good. I'll be locking you in, of course, to ensure you don't go running to our wonderful naval officers," the pirate replied, moving toward the door with an almost feline grace. "I'm hoping to keep the bloodshed to a minimum. My sincere thanks for your gracious hospitality, Magistrate," he said, making an elaborate bow. "I promise to lock up the city when I'm done."

Then he was gone, leaving only the faint scent of rum and gunpowder lingering in the room. The Magistrate turned to Abigail. "Good heavens. Are you all right?"

With shining eyes and heaving bosom, his daughter did not look appropriately shocked or distressed at having just been accosted by a pirate. "Abigail?"

She flew across the room to the balcony and the Magistrate followed, concerned. The two of them, peering over the railing, could just make out the figure of the pirate as he slipped out of the gates around the house. Abigail sighed lustily. The Magistrate groaned. How was he going to explain this to everyone: that a single pirate was going to sack the entire port of Nassau without firing a shot?

Abigail sighed again and the Magistrate seized his starry-eyed daughter and hauled her back into the house.

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